The Recasting Couch Ep. 76: Swordfish

Swordfish

 

Oh man, do we have a huge pile of shit ready for you this week (but I mean that in the best way possible This is a nice piece of shit) Who gots the lighta?

Swordfish is the absolute trainwreck that we are recasting this week. Holy hell. This may be the greatest “on paper” casting that fell to total dogshit that we’ve ever recast (Armageddon notwithstanding). Which would explain why Mike was so good at recasting this. It speaks to him on a purely shitty level that I frankly do not understand. I mean, am I misreading this? Does John Travolta, Huge Ackman, Halle Berry, and Don Cheadle not sound like a great cast for pretty much any movie? I think I might be. Although we’ve already recast movies with these actors in individual roles and have fellated them to completion. It’s gotta be the script. Mike touches upon this in the episode, and it’s the only reasonable explanation left as to why this movie is nearly completely unenjoyable.

Nonetheless we are going to talk about it from start to finish and go into fine detail as to why this movie blows goats.

If you want us to talk about movies that do not perform oral sex on farm animals, please email us at recastingpod@gmail.com and offer suggestions on what movies you want us to recast next. We usually stick to movies that are streaming, but if you’re on the Naughty List (fuck the Nice List), then we just might make an exception. It’s also last call to send us questions for our mailbag episode of the round table series, or to suggest topics for our round table series (although at this point, it’s got to be a really good one). We are also available @recastingpod on twitter. Our DM’s are always open, you know what to do…

 

Link to IMDB

Link to Amazon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Role Actor Final Cast
Gabriel John Travolta Lawrence Fishburn
Stanley Hugh Jackman Jared Leto
Ginger Halle Berry Jennifer Lawrence
Roberts Don Cheadle Harold Perrineau
Marco Vinnie Jones Kevin Durand
Senator Reisman Sam Shepard Craig T. Nelson
Melissa Drea de Matteo Anna Nicole Smith
Axl Torvalds Rudolph Martin James Purefoy
AD Joy Zach Grenier William Fichtner
Assistant Tate Donovan Steve Hytner
Holly Jobson Camryn Grimes Soleil Moonfry

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