This week we recast Raiders of the Lost Ark. Or shall I say Overraters of the Lost Ark. I feel like I’m in They Live, where I’m the only one who can see that the Indiana Jones movies are trash, and Harrison Ford is a crappy actor with absolutely no range. They aren’t interesting, there’s no substance, and half of this movie is chase scenes that feel like something out of The Three Stooges or Benny Hill. Now after having rewatched this movie, I came to the revelation that this was really a movie for kids. This is not some grand action and adventure movie, it’s a movie for kids that feels very much like it was filmed on location at a Disneyworld attraction.
I guess a lot of the adoration of this movie must be “feel” because the content is severely lacking. The script isn’t good, Indy just “knows” things that he couldn’t possibly actually know. They take about 5 minutes of screen time to actually expose the plot, and then the rest are just trite scenes to introduce characters and make way for the action sequences (which aren’t particularly great). After 40 years in Hollywood, you would think Harrison Ford would learn how to throw a punch without looking like a drunken hobo.
Now that’s not to say there aren’t enjoyable moments in this movie. John Rhys Davies is wonderful as always, but has to use every ounce of his charisma to override the abject dullness of Harrison Ford. Karen Allen is also great, but I wish she were relied on more to be bad ass. I guarantee she could throw a more convincing punch than Harrison Ford.
The special effects in this movie are not great. We normally go out of our way to praise productions that do practical effects, but when a “giant boulder” looks like a huge piece of styrofoam rolling down a ramp, it’s hard to really build a sense of urgency. They also employed a really, really bad blue screen (this was pre-green screen) for some of the lightning and ghost effects, and my god does it make the movie look ancient. However, seeing as it’s set in the 1930’s, that doesn’t make it look as out of place as it may feel. They did some cool stuff with the live snakes that made the scene with Indy staring down that cobra look authentic, because it is. They just put some plexiglass between them (which must have been a bitch to light and film to where the glass is invisible).
Anyway, to recap; this movie stinks, Harrison Ford stinks, and all of you stink for supporting it. I figured you all learned your lesson when Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out and was a steaming pile of dog shit. I figured that would open people’s eyes to see that it’s been garbage from the start, but I guess the brainwashing continues….
Thanks for listening everyone! If I’ve sufficiently pissed you off with my absolutely correct opinions, then go on twitter and yell at me (@recastingpod), or on facebook (facebook.com/therecastingcouch) or email us at email@example.com. Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or whatever your preferred pod delivery method is. Tell your friends about the pod and play the recasting game with them! You never know when someone close to you has a burning hot take that will open your eyes and shatter what you once held so dear.
NOTE: These are not the official views of The Recasting Couch. They are just the view of one terribly misguided man who must have gotten beat up by a guy in a Han Solo costume when he was a kid. -M
|Indiana Jones||Harrison Ford||Bradley Cooper|
|Marion||Karen Allen||Amy Adams|
|Belloq||Paul Freeman||Philip Seymour Hoffman|
|Toht||Ronald Lacey||Toby Jones|
|Sallah||John Rhys-Davies||Naveen Andrews|
|Dr. Marcus Brody||Denholm Elliot||Robert Vaughn|
|Dietrich||Wolf Kahler||Kai Wulff|
|Barranca||Vic Tablian||Art Malik|
|Sapito||Alfred Molina||Noel Gugliemi|
|Col. Musgrove||Don Fellows||Fritz Weaver|
|Major Eaton||William Hootkins||M. Emmet Walsh|
|Giant Sherpa/1st Mechanic||Pat Roach||Macho Man Randy Savage|